Big News to Come...

I know that you guys are anxious to hear what my RE said (last post). I can't really to get into it right now (it is a long and complicated story) but basically there was a problem with our first IVF.

I know, take a moment to let that sink in!

During the meeting, we decided that I am going to do another IVF cycle with my own eggs, before trying my twin sister's donor eggs.

So I am mentally preparing myself to try again. It is is so weird because I had already geared up to be the donor recipient. I am excited to try again using my eggs, but I still mourn my first IVF cycle.

Thank you all for your support!
Dianne

NIAW is here again

Well, well another year (um celebrating?) the fact that I am infertile.

Well what has changed since last year? I started this blog!! It has been a life saver and a way to meet other infertiles! Because God knows I feel like the only one around sometimes.

I have had a lot of highs and lows:

High: Did IVF, and had lots of follies!!!

Low: IVF failed with no embryos to freeze.

Luckily I have found so many great people to encourage me along the way.

Thank you infertiles!!!!

In other news:

My RE called me out of the blue last night and asked that we meet with her. She said that she found something new in my last cycle, and wants to discuss it in person. SO we set up an appointment today at 4:00 in Phoenix.

My first reaction is to be scared, but really I am just surprised. I mean I thought I was kind of on a break right now - just waiting for my next cycle, but part of me is a little happy that they were looking through my results again. I would rather have bad news now then after another failed attempt.

So keep your fingers crossed for me!

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

Well right now we are waiting.

I talked to the Donor Egg Cordinator, and found out about all the lovely tests that my sister and I get to do. She has to go through all of the day 3 tests, baseline follicle counts, Infectious Disease screenings that I had to do; but she also has to do a Clomid Challenge Test, and we both get to do Psych Evaluations - how fun!

I also will be doing my "pilot cycle" at this time - this is to see if I will be a good recipient during the ET (Shouldn't I have done this before my regular IVF?), Oh well.

Anyways, we are just waiting for all of that to start. Nothing else is really new. I am going to California in a week and I get to watch Debbie try on Wedding dresses!!! I also get to try on bridesmaid dresses, and we are going to look at the places that she likes for the ceremony/reception - so that will be alot of fun!!!

Depending on the date she chooses, and if this Donor Egg IVF cycle is the thing that works, I am not quite sure about due dates!! DH seems to think that we will be fine, but I need to sit down with the nurse and start mapping some things out!

Dear God, Thank you?

So I kind of realized something yesterday:

I might have been lucky that our first IVF cycle was a total failure. My hubby did some research about poor egg quality. We definitely fit the criteria. Well with bad eggs there is not enough energy to sustain cell division. This explains why our embryos were slow to start and also why none of them made it to the blast stage (not even the two they implanted), and why we weren't able to freeze any of them.

We were so devastated (and still are) that it didn't work. But back to the research: Even if we did have implantation, many pregnancies with poor eggs lead to a miscarriage. Now that I don't think I could recover from. So maybe this was God's way of saving us from even more pain down the line. And he even provided us with my twin sister, who has agreed to be our egg donor.

So thank you God. I am still trying to understand your path for us, but I think I have accepted this.

A Sister's Love

Let me start this post by thanking everyone for their support. As some of you know I have a twin sister named Debbie. She just got engaged and is graduating from college in May. She has offered to put her life on hold and be our egg donor.

Since our doctor feels we have an egg quality issue (and since we didn't qualify for Shared Risk) my husband and I are extremely hesitant to put ourselves through another unsuccessful IVF attempt. We could move on to anonymous donor but we also are not ready to move on to that just yet. And since God has blessed me with a twin sister we feel that this might be the only way for us to have our biological child (same DNA). Gratefully Debbie has had a normal medical history, which gives me so much hope that this will work!

I can't tell you how weird it feels to know that I will have to not only watch her go through what I went through but I get to give her the injections! I guess I will get to see what my husband went through watching me (although I poked myself!)

We still have to do the testing, figure out how we are going to finance this and all that; but this feels like the right step. And can't believe that this is actually happening. We still might get "our" baby after all.

Part of me is still really sad that it won't be me doing all this. And I feel so guilty to put my sis through it as well; but mostly I feel so proud of her and so grateful that she would do this no questions asked.

Love you Sis!

BFN

Well, what can I say the beta was negative. We are devistated to say the least. With no frozen embryos, our first IVF is a total failure. My doctor says it looks like an egg quality issue (which is just great to hear at age 26).

Right now we are just trying to digest everything. I am still in shock, and depressed while DH is sad and angry. Ths is so much harder than I thought it would be. But at the same time I am numb to it.