Third Insemination

We did our third and last insemination this morning. It did not hurt as much this time, and I am so glad to have it overwith - now comes everyone's favorite part (2ww). We had a great count and 5 follicles, so we have done all that we can.

I am trying to stay focused on positive things, but in the back of my head I am terrified that 2009 will be the year of IVF!!

Anyways it is in God's hands now. Maybe we will get a Christmas miracle!!! Until then, I am praying for us and all of the other TTC couples out there!!

5 follicles!

Well I did it again 5 good follicles. I trigger myself tomorrow night and go in for our final insemination on Saturday morning. My nurse says that I am a "good responder" but that hasn't helped me so far! I am trying to stay postive - my husband says I need to visualize myself being pregnant! SO I guess we will try that this month!!

ultrasound

Well wish me luck. I am off to the doctor this morning to check how many follicles I produced. I had 5 1/2 last time and 2 1/2 the time before. So hopefully it won't be 7 1/2!!! I have felt some small pains on my left side where the ovary is (I only have one) so I think that is a good sign (grow little ones grow!!!) I'll do another posting when I know more!

It's official

Ok it is now official... Everyone around me has either gotten pregnant or has already had a baby. Let me explain: I started my TTC journey a year and a half ago (May 07). At that point I taught kindergarten full time and about 10 of my colleagues got pregnant that year. So as you can imagine I really wanted a baby!!!

So we started trying. It didn't bother me at first when other friends started to get pregnant. I even had some that had troubles conceiving too, but as time wore on, they all seemed to get pregnant. Now I also know what feels like a million people who got pregnant by accident. Lucky for them! So cut to a year and a half later, still no baby for me but a million and one babies and baby bumps around me.

I just found out that another friend from work and my sister in law are both pregnant - and I found this out just last week alone!!!! I am so happy for all of them but I feel a little like the kid who got picked last a dodge ball!

The worst part is that I have started to resent people who get pregnant so eaisly. I find myself thinking, "they don't deserve it - they haven't had to work for it! Where are the shots they had to take? The counting of days, and my favorite part the money they've had to spend??" Ugh I hate sounding like a b*tch!

Ok venting session done.

All In

Hey Everyone. So I started my third cycle for insemination this week. I gave myself a follistim shot last night and I take another tonight then one more on Friday. Last night's hurt pretty bad!! It's the funniest thing - last month all of my shots were easy! This is our last IUI month I think. My RE wasn't even optimistic about this working so I think three will be enough to determine if we should move on to IVF. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we won't have to go that route!!!

Happy Holidays!!!!!

Well no early Xmas present for me - I tested negative...

So, I tested myself this morning (at 4:30 am! - Sean's normal wake up time) and I found out that it was negative. Actually I thought the test was a dud because I had put another brand in with the same baox. I was supposed to see two lines for negative and one line and a plus sign for positive. So I tested myself later at the gym (bathroom stall - so glamorous!!!) When I opened that test up I realized that the other one was a different brand and so it was probably a negative. But I retested myself anyways just to make sure, and sure enough it was a no.

I haven't really even felt sad yet - I just feel numb. I am just sick of trying. I am sick of spending money on this, sick of giving myself shots, sick of doing the actual procedure which HURTS, sick of taking progesterone twice a day (side note - I found out that it sucks to travel with progetserone - it has to be refridgerated or else it will melt) So everytime we stopped at a gas station I had to get ice to keep it cold!! - And I almost forgot it in California!!!). I am just getting tired of this whole thing.

I know it is worth it. But I am just afraid that I have not yet begun to fight. With every passing month I am closer to IVF, which is scary to think about.

Anyways enough of the pity party!

Insemination # 2

Well we did another insemination today. Wow it really hurt this time - Spotting and everything! I feel so bloated right now and I am experiencing cramps, but this is all normal they say! I really hope and pray that this will work, but I am trying to not get my hopes up and dwell on it that much.

This is all a part of our journey - I keep telling myself! I just wish I could let it go - all of the pain and animosity towards people who it was "easy" for. I know that those feelings are useless and unproductive! But sometimes it feels good to vent!

Thanks everyone for their prayers and good luck wishes - it helps SO much! I'll keep you posted.